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"So, you want to come to the airport and shove your microphone into face after face after face of my passengers, eh? Just face after face for a full week," the CEOs of airlines around the world muttered under their breath in unison before Christmas. "I guess the foot's on the other hand, now."

Loyal Scaiaholics will recall an auction house in Dallas put George Clooney's nipple costume up for bid earlier this year. Not to rest on its laurels, Heritage Auctions has taken the process a step further.

The Federal Highway Administration has determined New Jersey should not be telling motorists to hold on to their butts.

A couple times a year, Jerry Jones demands I come by AT&T Stadium and feast from his cornucopia of new dishes. And by "Jerry Jones," I mean, "Legends, the concessions company he and the New York Yankees own," and by "demands," I mean, "allows."

Rick Grimes and I have accompanied each other on our journeys. His journey took him through the zombie apocalypse. My journey, just as heroically, was getting to know the people of Texas.

We've had a rough couple years. I've been vocal about my disdain for people using their free time to argue about politics and science on Facebook, but allow me to bring something positive to the internet: the tale of a mortician.

My legion of subscribers [and by “legion,” I mean, “ Potentially  fewer than what you might picture when you think of a Roman legion “]...

Jim Cantore excels at injecting himself into weather stories. I've developed a complex relationship with hurricanes over my time in Texas, and he and I wound up staying in the same hotel once when I worked in Houston.

During my trip to SuperOregon this month, several associates reminded me I have not followed through on any of my get-rich-quick schemes. Specifically, they yearn to shop at Big Scai's Beer Frontier.

I was excited to return home from the rodeo last weekend in time to catch the end of the Bengals/Cowboys game. I was less excited to see the Bengals lose.

Each year, I relax a bit in Super Oregon. Loyal Scaiaholics will recall my penchant for returning for the rodeo.

No British ruler had ever visited Texas, not even a Druid, which may help explain why Stonehenge is shrouded in mystery instead of having songs written about it and people arguing about the best way to defend it like the Alamo

After last week's expose on charcuterie boards, an associate suggested my description of the goat cheese-wonton-honey trifecta was a bit off. Instead of finding a way to work the term, "insouciance," into descriptions of foods, he suggested I start using "mouthfeel."

After all we've been through as a society the past two years, I recently spoke to a fella who makes a strong point.

"You want some rain?" the Lord said, listening to us drone on about the drought. "How about the most rain in 90 years?!" [His omnipotence allows him to speak in hyperlinks.]

A new school year is starting. Perhaps you'd think a man who does not, to his knowledge, have any children should avoid wandering up to parents with small kids outside a school. Perhaps you are a fool.

Loyal Scaiaholics will recall I've never had an at-fault crash in a news car. I have been fired for a crash. Maybe they did the right thing, though. I was wrong to order that hurricane.

"I've got some ideas I'd like to try out before the next home match," the new executive chef for FC Dallas said. "Doesn't Scaia test all the new food at stadiums? Let's get him in here."

The XFL is going to give it another try. It hasn't worked out before, and Loyal Scaiaholics will recall my tips to improve professional...

I passed through Mineral Wells this week and feel like I may not be spending enough time there. Loyal Scaiaholics will recall I first started getting to know the town back in 2011 when wildfires were burning around Possum Kingdom Lake.