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A mortician's advice on how to live
We've had a rough couple years. I've been vocal about my disdain for people using their free time to argue about politics and science on Facebook, but allow me to bring something positive to the internet: the tale of a mortician.
Nov 10, 20222 min read
More people are complaining about politics than voting
My legion of subscribers [and by “legion,” I mean, “ Potentially fewer than what you might picture when you think of a Roman legion “]...
Oct 25, 20224 min read


The Alan Scaia brand will be smooth and mellow
Jim Cantore excels at injecting himself into weather stories. I've developed a complex relationship with hurricanes over my time in Texas, and he and I wound up staying in the same hotel once when I worked in Houston.
Sep 29, 20223 min read


We pledge to ship watermelons and do the other things
During my trip to SuperOregon this month, several associates reminded me I have not followed through on any of my get-rich-quick schemes. Specifically, they yearn to shop at Big Scai's Beer Frontier.
Sep 27, 20223 min read


North Texans ARE super nice
I was excited to return home from the rodeo last weekend in time to catch the end of the Bengals/Cowboys game. I was less excited to see the Bengals lose.
Sep 23, 20222 min read


A positive message from a spilled drink
Each year, I relax a bit in Super Oregon. Loyal Scaiaholics will recall my penchant for returning for the rodeo.
Sep 20, 20223 min read


The queen makes a strong point about Texans
No British ruler had ever visited Texas, not even a Druid, which may help explain why Stonehenge is shrouded in mystery instead of having songs written about it and people arguing about the best way to defend it like the Alamo
Sep 8, 20222 min read


Focaccia and fried cheese for all
After last week's expose on charcuterie boards, an associate suggested my description of the goat cheese-wonton-honey trifecta was a bit off. Instead of finding a way to work the term, "insouciance," into descriptions of foods, he suggested I start using "mouthfeel."
Sep 8, 20223 min read


It's rainin' powdered sugar at Fair Park
After all we've been through as a society the past two years, I recently spoke to a fella who makes a strong point.
Aug 29, 20225 min read


The school bus was a long shot to stall
"You want some rain?" the Lord said, listening to us drone on about the drought. "How about the most rain in 90 years?!" [His omnipotence allows him to speak in hyperlinks.]
Aug 24, 20222 min read


Taking more risks can give you hand
A new school year is starting. Perhaps you'd think a man who does not, to his knowledge, have any children should avoid wandering up to parents with small kids outside a school. Perhaps you are a fool.
Aug 16, 20224 min read


Mongo only pawn in annual inspection of life
Loyal Scaiaholics will recall I've never had an at-fault crash in a news car. I have been fired for a crash. Maybe they did the right thing, though. I was wrong to order that hurricane.
Aug 11, 20223 min read


Skyline Chili... now with brisket
"I've got some ideas I'd like to try out before the next home match," the new executive chef for FC Dallas said. "Doesn't Scaia test all the new food at stadiums? Let's get him in here."
Jul 28, 20223 min read


The XFL can smell what Arlington is cookin'
The XFL is going to give it another try. It hasn't worked out before, and Loyal Scaiaholics will recall my tips to improve professional...
Jul 25, 20222 min read


The perfectly sane water can help firefighters
I passed through Mineral Wells this week and feel like I may not be spending enough time there. Loyal Scaiaholics will recall I first started getting to know the town back in 2011 when wildfires were burning around Possum Kingdom Lake.
Jul 21, 20223 min read


Lamenting the death of a whiskey flask
Heritage Auctions has a rich slate of events coming up the next couple weekends. Saturday is Heritage's " Historical Platinum Session ."...
Jul 15, 20222 min read


Tom Jones finally gets his big break
This week, Billy Bob's Texas launched a renovation of its showroom. The general manager explained they had originally planned on a standard golden shovel situation, but Fort Worth demands a better show from the world's largest honky tonk.
Jul 8, 20222 min read


The hot dog can give us all hope for the future
Gallop reports we've never been less proud to be Americans. At the risk of editorializing, we should be proud. Heading into Independence Day, we should celebrate our right to argue with each other on Facebook. Many parts of the world don't have that luxury.
Jul 3, 20222 min read


Mascots have had to adjust, too
We chose to disband society instead, but remember when the pandemic first started, and we were thanking our healthcare heroes, paramedics, police and firefighters?
Jun 29, 20222 min read


In support of your right to bear tacos
Regardless of how you feel about last week's Supreme Court ruling on abortion, one thing we can all agree on is The Simpsons made this funnier years ago.
Jun 27, 20222 min read
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