My past week has mainly consisted of me stumbling out of bed in the morning, loading the Texas Secretary of State's website and telling people how many of us voted the day before.

TGI Fridays, because our world had become too harmonious, now reports we've been eating cheeseburgers incorrectly since the dawn of time.

I've been visiting home back in Ohio the past few days. Has anything, say, has anything interesting been happening back in Texas?

As my transition into becoming an old man continues, I was disappointed to learn Helio Castroneves says he's a celebrity because of his appearance on Dancing with the Stars and not because of his Indy 500 titles.